Letters to Namjoon

I feel it again, that weariness deep inside. I know I am missing something, lacking something, missing someone. I just need one chance, that’s it. one chance to connect, to feel less lonely, to be more than just me. I wish I could message you. -D

life would be so much better with more cuddles, more time spent touching others, more hours of being less alone. every time I see a video of cats cuddling, I wish I were them. I wish I were brave enough to walk up to the people I love and just ask for a hug, an embrace, time spent feeling them…

they say you can’t cry while you’re drinking water, that your body physically can’t do both at the same time. I don’t think that’s true, though. I think they say it so that you’ll drink water and calm down in the process, but your body is still able to cry while you drink. I would’ve stopped crying a long time…

last night I dreamt of the people outside my window, and I woke up knowing I would always miss what I had lost as soon as my eyes opened. the people I dreamt of do not exist, but for the time I had with them, I loved them so much. today I have spent my time staring out the window,…

yearning yearning yearning for what I don’t have. I look out my window and I see them, I see their routine, every night. they walk together and read together. they are alone but they are not lonely and I yearn yearn yearn for what they have. the ache grows and grows and spills over my cheeks. I see them out…

they say life is full of paradox I will stay by your side until you survive winter hellebore, I will stay by your side until you bloom

today I took care of things that were hard to do, but they were important, and thinking about making you proud made me smile. I’m not sure I’m proud of myself, but I am endlessly proud of you, and I want to become someone we can both be proud of. thank you for inspiring me and pushing me forward just…

I am so grateful for you, and I miss you so much already. The more I get to know you, the more I get to love you. Please be safe, and never doubt that we love you so much more than is possible. Come back home soon, please. Thank you for being You(ngi) -D

today is a hard day. I am trying to be kind to myself, but it’s hard to see a good reason why. They say things get harder before they get easier, but I wonder how long we need to hold on. What will come first, the turning point or the breaking point? And still, we persevere, if only out of…

Today too, I miss you. I hope you are warm and that you ate something delicious. I hope you’re laughing at something silly, and enjoying the moment you are living in. I hope the present is wonderful, and that the future will be better still. I hope you feel rested, and that you fall asleep easily at night. I hope…