Letters to Namjoon

today is one of the hardest days i’ve ever lived. it keeps getting harder and harder to breathe. It was so beautiful seeing all 7 of you together again, and i’m so happy Jin is back, but then my mind tumbles into despair again. i don’t know that i can hold out for 362 more days, but at least i…

i want to build a place for you. i want to create a space where you can freely be yourself, where you don’t have to carry any burden, where you’re not the leader, the speaker, the diplomat, the hyung, the person in charge, the one everyone relies on. i want to make a place for you to relax, to leave…

NAMJOON namjoon joon

today is a hard day where every breath is a chore. i forget why i’m here and why i haven’t ended it all. i forget my goals, the future i envision, the reason for being. today i kiss my cat’s face and tell him i love him, and he purrs. he doesn’t know he’s the only thing keeping me here.…

thank you for this. i am going to need time to digest all the feelings you’ve made me feel today. thank you, with all my heart. thank you for sharing yourself through your music, your art, your existence. thank you for being a human before you do some art. thank you, Namjoon, for Namjoon. -D

i think i know, i think i’ve always known, that this world wasn’t meant for me. i think that if things continue the way they’re going, i’m eventually going to end it all. not any time soon, and not out of anger or despair. i think if the only options are to labour under capitalism, sell my life away and…

today i miss you so much today feels like a week crammed into an hour today presses on my chest, dries my mouth today i wish i could see you today will end soon today tomorrow i will miss you so much

thank you 💙 i can’t wait to see you again soon -D

I feel it again, that weariness deep inside. I know I am missing something, lacking something, missing someone. I just need one chance, that’s it. one chance to connect, to feel less lonely, to be more than just me. I wish I could message you. -D

life would be so much better with more cuddles, more time spent touching others, more hours of being less alone. every time I see a video of cats cuddling, I wish I were them. I wish I were brave enough to walk up to the people I love and just ask for a hug, an embrace, time spent feeling them…