dearest Namjoon, you are FREE. you’re out and done and free and rid of the uniform. i’m so happy that that weight can finally slide off your shoulders and you can take a deep breath where your lungs fully expand. i know it was hard, i know you got scolded and you just wanted to go home. i know they squeezed your soul in there, they squeezed so hard that you couldn’t even write. i know you’ll have nightmares, and it’ll take you a long time to fully accept that you’re out, you don’t have to go back in there. i know they eroded all the bits of yourself that you love most, but it’s finished now. you can rest tonight knowing that you’re in your own bed, your own home, your own skin.

i wish you could take some time to rest. i know the schedule was planned years ago and you feel like you need to make up for lost time, but your soul needs a breather. your heart has been fighting to beat for so long, it might not even realize it’s not at war anymore. if i could give you my own time so you could rest, i would. i would give all of my happiest hours to you, every minute that i spent smiling, every sigh of relief, every second enjoying life. you gave me that joy in the first place, so i’d only be returning it to you. if i could bundle up all of the warmth and peace and comfort, i would ship it to you immediately.

maybe that’s why we hug. maybe we’re trying to cram all of our joy and smiles and rest into a single action, trying to send it all by osmosis through our arms, our heartbeats. maybe that’s why i wish i could hug you right now, to tell you that it’s okay if you have nightmares tonight, that you’re free, you’re finally free of the uniform and you can go back to tending to the bonsai inside your heart.

i am so proud of you, Namjoon. it was hard, it was impossibly hard but you still did it. you held on and you got through and now you’re Finally Free.

-D