you’re almost out. a single week left before you’re out and about and free and you never have to go back in there. in one week, you answer only to yourself, you sleep in your own bed, you wake up when you choose to, and you are the owner of your own time. does it even feel real yet? Namjoon, you are so close to freedom, i wonder if you can smell it yet.

i wonder when you realized for the first time that this was always something you would have to do, that it was a shadow that would loom over you until you served. i wonder how many hours of peace were stolen from you, how many times you wished you didn’t have to go, and how deeply you sighed once you actually stepped through those doors for the first time.

i also wonder about all the things you will never say in interviews, all your real thoughts about being in there, about conscription. i wonder what has changed in you, how this will make you view your country and your place in it. i wish i could talk to you about it.

i wonder if your bags are all packed, if you’re ready to leave the second that you’re able to, or if there’ll be a bittersweet tinge to that day. the shadow of your military service will finally clear from above you, and you’ll be free to light a flowerwork. now with this weight off your shoulders, will you float away? now that you’re getting discharged, will you miss the yoke that used to hold you back? i wonder how long it’ll take for your soul to rest now that it can.

i wonder how deeply you will sigh once you actually step through those doors for the last time.

-D